What My Cover Letter Should Have Said

Thought Catalog

To Whom it May Concern:

I recently graduated from college with a GPA that is without a doubt going to be the only impressive part of my resume and if that doesn’t impress you, you should probably stop reading now to avoid the humiliation I will surely suffer in trying to make my useless summer jobs and work experience sound like something worthwhile.

No?

You’ll continue?

Great, let’s get this over with.

Perhaps the most important quality I would bring to the position is a genuine love for reading and writing. (This, at least, is true). Please hire me because I like books. Yes, so do four-year-olds, I know. But I REALLY like them. WAH. I am especially excited about applying to (insert name of company which I just had to click back three times to the website of to finish spelling) because I very much admire the works you…

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